11/26/2003
Jacko DA Moded
So this is old news, but on the radio this morning they told the story of the Michael Jackson song “DS” which appears on the album “HIStory.” The song is about a fictional man named Dom Sheldon, who is the “TA” and needs your vote to remain so. The song is not about Tom Sneddon, the DA of Santa Barbara county. Or IS it?
Whoa ho ho, very sneaky. By changing the name in the lyrics sheet (even though in the song he pretty clearly says “Tom Sneddon”) he is able to diss the Tistrict Attorney in a passive aggressive anonymous Phil Collins kinda way. And diss him he does. He repeatedly calls DS a “cold man” who “don’t do half what he say” and who’s “mother never taught him right anyway.” Burn. It’s like Everlast and Eminem all over again.
(more…)
11/25/2003
Loveable Scamp Jonathan Brandes No Longer With Us
Jonathan Brandis, who you will no doubt remember as that kid from Ladybugs and Sidekicks, had the misfortune of hanging himself to death November 12. This was, of course, nearly two weeks ago, but I am just hearing about this now due my having been buried ass-first in a snowdrift for the past month (long story).
I want to point out that I deliberately misspelled Brandis’ name in the title of this post as part of my continuing effort to transform JesusH into the web’s foremost celebrity tribute site targeted at poor spellers.
I look forward to reading your comments on this tragedy.
$pam Rage
“He said his firm does not send spam but blamed a rival firm which he said routes much of their unsolicited bulk e-mail through Russia and eastern Europe. Mackay said such firms gave a bad name to the penis enhancement business. “
[cnn.com, via the muted horn]
11/21/2003
News Roundup
- According to Michael Jackson’s brother Jermaine, “if you handcuff my brother you handcuff the whole family.”
Hey, if that’s what it takes to keep the children safe…
Speaking of which, it’s funny how things have changed–witness some of the lyrics to Jermaine’s doubtless-fantastic 1991 ditty Word to the Badd!:
Reconstructed
Been abducted
Don’t know who you are…
Once you were made
You changed your shade
Was your color wrong?
Could not turn back
It’s a known fact
You were too far goneI guess they kissed and made up since then or something.
- The House is set to pass an anti-spam bill, which is great news.
“There’s so many good things in this bill, it’s hard to go over them all in a few minutes,” said Texas Democratic Rep. Gene Green.
I’m jealous. I wish my Representative had a name as cool as Gene Green.
- Apparently this guy is recovering after flatlining from a serious case of flesh-eating bacteria.
I think he could have used another dose or two.
(Heyyy, maybe I ought to contract some flesh-eating bacteria… hmmm…)
[via Drudge]
Lego Art Missed
Damn–apparently Henry Lim and Eric Harshbarger, a couple of accomplished Lego artists, exhibited their work at UCSD earlier this year. I would have liked to have seen that.
I found Harshbarger’s page via this page about someone who built a portrait of Tori Amos in Lego. This was forwarded to a mailing list I’m on, and frankly, it’s a pathetic effort compared to the stuff Harshbarger and Lim do.
I am not just saying that because Tori Amos is a screeching banshee, either.
11/20/2003
How To End the World
You may have seen this Flash animation, but I just saw it for the first time last night (I’m the smart-ass who resubmitted it on this ExpectNothing thread). Deb and I both think it’s pretty funny; the voiceover sort of reminds me of some of the Ali G stuff I’ve seen on HBO, which I enjoy.
How To Play Racketball
So I had to do a training presentation for my classmates, and I decided to teach them how to play racketball.
It went pretty well except I think I went overtime by about 30 seconds (12:30 or so, and it needed to be between 10-12 minutes). I hate it when I do that, because there’s nothing more amateurish than going over in a presentation like this. But during my rehearsals I didn’t get the timing for the class interaction right, and I kind of editorialized a little more than I should have early on.
Also, I used the term “kicking my ass” to describe the game state in a fictional game versus one of my classmates (I was behind 14-5 in the scenario), which probably wasn’t so good. A couple of my teammates inform me that the teacher immediately started writing when I said that. If I get graded down for it, I’m going to have to note that this was supposed to be an informal training session, that I was speaking to an audience that I had reason to believe wouldn’t be bothered by that statement, and that it’ll suck donkey balls if I take a hit gradewise for this.
She’ll love that.
11/19/2003
Fun With Elbow Dislocation
How the Funny Have Fallen
In an apparently serious bid to drum up some beer money, the National Lampoon creative staff is auctioning their time off on ebay.
Several thoughts:
1. Who knew National Lampoon even still existed except as a brand name to stamp on mediocre comedies? I’m pretty surprised.
2. Judging by the quality of some of the work linked in the auction page, these guys just aren’t very funny. However, that does lend some credence to the personal note to Lorne Michaels in the auction–they’d fit right in over at SNL.
3. Over/under for winning bidders predictions? I’m guessing the winning bid is seven figures, submitted by someone with a handle like ass_play_guy_310 who, shockingly, turns out to be a fake bidder.
11/18/2003
Joke
Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome trying to find their way to the convent.
One leans over to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other nun blushes and whispers, “It’s the cobblestones.”
11/15/2003
Deep Thoughts
I was recently cruising around my local malls looking for new work clothes, when I noticed that Ralph Lauren’s hoity-toity men’s clothing brand is called “Chaps”.
Which got me to thinking: do you suppose he means that like “Jolly Good _____” or “Buttless _____”?
11/14/2003
Fake Dean Ad
Some jackass pasted a fake Howard Dean ad all over Dartmouth the other evening.
The fake Dean ad.
“This posters speaks more of the person who created it than of whom it is directed at,” Klein said.
Yeah… it says they are hilarious. Bravo, mystery Stars and Bars Hero!
11/10/2003
Young Urban Professional
In a move that is destined to be very damaging to the Neilson ratings of several afternoon soap operas, somebody actually got around to hiring me. Today marked the start of my new position as Web Developer at a teeny-tiny web design firm in Clairemont. How teeny-tiny, you ask? I am employee #3, which, as I understand it, pretty much makes me a Vice President by default.
This job is much cooler than the other ones I have applied for since I am actually legitimately qualified for it. Basically, I get to hang out and fiddle with PHP all day, which is sort of like recess for me. There’s another guy on staff (that’d be Employee #2) who is a full-time art director, which means that I’m off the hook for doing all the dreck like picking palettes and creating drop shadows and stuff, which, confidentally, I don’t have any actual talent for. It’s pretty cool to be able to let someone else worry about that nonsense.
Also, and this is a big point, I got to take the city bus to work. I haven’t had the pleasure of riding in the bus since the eleventh grade, and I have to say, it felt great! — sort of like slipping on a comfortable, delightfully broken-in, sort of ass-reeking, shoe. As I waited for the bus in the morning, I had some pretty heavy flashbacks to every first day of school I’ve ever had. I found myself quietly dreading the possibility that the bus driver would have, just that morning, instituted some arcane rule that made my particular $2.50 insufficient to ride, and quietly hoping that my mom had packed me extra cookies in my lunch.
In short, the bus ride is so, so sweet. It kind of feels like… home.
11/4/2003
Rectum?!? Damn near killed em!!
Well it seems that Peyton Manning is being sued for defamation.
In his book, Manning: A Father, His Sons and a Football Legacy, he wrote about an incident in college involving Jamie Ann Naughright, a female trainer.
He says that all he did was moon a fellow player while he though she couldn’t see him. But she has a different story… According to Naughright’s deposition, Manning, while being examined by Naughright, placed his “naked butt and rectum” on her face.
Ewwwe!!
11/2/2003
This Just In…
the Chargers really, really suck.
This is a straight awful team–perhaps the worst Chargers team I’ve watched that I can remember, and I’ve watched some really bad squads. Drew Brees just can’t get anything going, and Tomlinson can’t carry the offense by himself. The defense gets torched at regular intervals and the special teams coverage is awful.
Some of the worst offenders are guys the Chargers are continually excited about. Brees is an important example, but the most egregious offender is Tim Dwight. The Chargers have been excited about this guy since they traded for him in the Mike Vick trade, but amid all the hubbub about his being the fastest white guy in football are a couple of serious problems. He’s short, for one, and he can’t catch, which is kind of important to do in the wide reciever/return specialist role. He’s one of the most overrated players in football.
Here’s a fan site dedicated to Tim Dwight, run by some raving lunatic.
Ugh.